I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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