You don't have asthma, your pregnant
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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