That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
