tell your sister to shave her snatch
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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