hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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