We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
