I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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