we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
