last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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