"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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