I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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