i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
