Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
