So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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