is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We named our party play list daddy issues
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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