Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
