it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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