Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
