Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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