I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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