He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
