so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
