bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
