a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
