I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
