She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
