I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
