White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
