She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Randomize
