Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
