I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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