Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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