i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
