If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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