I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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