So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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