Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Buhtt sex?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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