it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
