why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
