Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
