I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
