I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
