that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
