today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
