my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
