I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
