Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
