y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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