so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
