Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
