I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
