the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
