and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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