Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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