Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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