Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A+ Viking dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
