Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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