After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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