Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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