OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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